I started my own business and the market for what I do is just terrible. After 10+ years I’ve seen the pros and cons. I’ve had great clients and absolute horrible ones. I’ve seen businesses die right in front of my eyes -and I could speculate on what caused them to call it quits. I live in a town where people really do not understand the value of technology. They just see me as a young kid who offers “support services.” Support services are what businesses “use” to fulfil a task, they don’t really make them any money, they are kind of like advertising, except worse.
I got into computers and web design because it was an opportunity in high school to get out of the lousy situation of my childhood -for once I could get what I wanted without asking someone else. I didn’t start a business to pay bills. I started it to have the lifestyle I wanted but now I grew up and 10 years later I’m operating a machine that is failing. The time has run out. Now is the time to take all the knowledge, people skills and wisdom I’ve gathered and apply it to something bigger than myself.
I’ve dreamed of being in law enforcement and I’ve even worked in local law enforcement (corrections, 4 months). This wasn’t enough for me. I wasn’t on the battlegrounds actually saving anyone or being the hero. Yes, there are people who actually want to be the hero and those who want to wear capes -there’s a difference (capes are vanity). I mention my dream of law enforcement because it’s an example of what I’ve not been doing while running my business -not chasing my dreams.
“You had to look a certain way so that people wouldn’t see the true nature of my humanity behind the smile.”
Vanity was something I was taught growing up. You had to look a certain way so that people wouldn’t see the true nature of the humanity behind the smile. I often didn’t understand racism and why that was normal. I never really wanted to work for myself, I just happened to fall into it as a way to “just get by.” I don’t want to “just get by.”
“I have a fear of responsibility because I was enabled as a child and was taught to blame others when things didn’t go my way.”
Sure a website sells for $3000-$6000 but money does not bring me pleasure -time does. The main reason I never went to work for someone else was mainly because I was afraid I wouldn’t have time to enjoy life. I have a fear of responsibility because I was enabled as a child and was taught to blame others when things didn’t go my way. I’ve learned to expect pain because I don’t truly know that it means to be happy.
I make a big deal out of spending my time wisely instead of making a big deal about spending money wisely -something that I’ve fortunately caught on to and am making strides to improve. I was never taught how to make a budget, so I’d often times make a great amount of money but not have the discipline to spend -or save, correctly. (finding Dave Ramsey was life changing).
“Nothing I’ve done that I’m dissatisfied with is a result of anything else but the choices I’ve made and the decisions to continue with them for as long as I have.”
Nothing I’ve done that I’m dissatisfied with is a result of anything else but the choices I’ve made and the decisions to continue with them for as long as I have. At the time I’m writing this, I’m 25. I’ve come a long way in many areas. I’ve been blessed by God, and no one else is going to get that glory. I’ve seen God move mountains in my life, despite falling short. If I’m aware of the the problems why don’t I do anything about it? Because I’m stuck in a loop and now the loop is being broken.